Finding the reason you have been put on this earth is the single best use of your time. When you know that, and can figure out a way to do that, things start falling into place.
When I was a little girl, I always thought that what I wanted to do was just be a mom and housewife. (A testament to the awesome job my mom did.) In middle and high school, I got into the trumpet, and fell in love. I had the talent for it; from my freshman year through when I had my head injury at the end of my junior year, I was in every band there was. By my sophomore year I was the soloist for the marching/ pep band, and second chair in concert and jazz bands. I was planning on being a professional trumpeter.
Unfortunately in the accident at the end of my junior year, that all changed. I was on the way to take my SATs when my friend I was riding with went off the highway. The result of the head injury as applies to what I thought I was supposed to do was that I could no longer control the muscles in my face for the most crucial octave to control. I tried though….for a LONG time to regain it….years. I was in college before I gave up on that ever coming back.
Years would pass and I went along, doing what at the time I thought was living the best way I could. I guess, to cut myself some slack, it WAS then best I knew…then. As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” I finished my degree, then though I tried all I found for work was retail jobs…not even managerial. I’d divorced my first ex after he decided I was going to work all day and he stay at home doing different projects that were going to bring in money…eventually. (We were also living in the dank, musty in-law apartment of his parents house.) He knew I had wanted to be a housewife and mother, and “supposedly” wanted it too…but I was almost 40 and could see myself doing the same thing 10 years down the road. So I made plans and left. That divorce, though we had very little of our own to speak of, took about a year and a half….he was just being difficult.
Then I met ex #2. He was a widower, Miss J. was just 18 months old, and he wanted someone to be a SAHM with her. (SAHM is Stay At Home Mom if you haven’t heard it.) Long story short, I got pregnant with Miss M., he asked me to marry him (and I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later), and after the marriage the mental and emotional abuse started….very subtly.
Fast forward 6 years and more heartaches than good times later, I decided I needed to think about re-entering the workforce. I knew I couldn’t do retail again with a family (not that I wanted to…15 years was enough). We did too many things/went places on the weekends, and my girls needed me at bedtime. I decided I was going to get an MBA before I tried to go back. Within a month of starting the program, he told me he’s done trying to make our marriage work. Do I back out of the program though? Nope, I keep going…finishing with a 3.37 in the middle of the 3 day trial for the divorce almost 2 years and LOTS of struggle later.
So it all settles out, I’m moved out of that home and into my own place, and I’ve started sending out resumes. I don’t get any interviews, and realize that I don’t want to help build someone else’s dream….I want to build mine. I want to help people be their best selves. I want to support those who have been beaten down emotionally and bring them up to the light and love that is their right.
I’ve shared the answer to why for me; what about you? What’s your answer? Do you think I’m full of sh*t? Tell me. If what I’ve said resonates with you, share my post, or leave a comment.