Do I HAVE To Forgive…THEM???

forgive

Sometimes forgiving others is easy.  If someone forgets something small and it won’t hurt anything to get or do what ever it was another time, no biggie.  It’s another matter if it’s something important needed for a deadline at work, or for a significant event.  Rarely is it a HUGE deal though.  Often there’s a work-around.

But what about those who harm you?  How hard is it to forgive them….and should you?

As the quote above says….yes, but not for them.  It doesn’t condone their behavior in any way either.

It’s another aspect of the letting go attitude of mindfulness.  When you forgive, you are no longer holding on to the anger and pain caused by their harm, and that negative energy is released.  Then, the negative won’t have that hold on you.

wolfyoufeed

The negative energy is from the Bad Wolf.  When it’s gone, then you can focus on feeding the Good Wolf.  When you feed the Good Wolf, you will be able to be more positive, and bring your best self into all you do.

As far as my 2 ex’s go; ex #1 I rarely even think about.  Forgave him his controlling actions long ago.  Ex #2 is the father of my girls, so I still have to (for now anyway) deal with him.  I have forgiven his abuse from the past, but I will not stand for anything going forward.  Our court ordered coparenting counselor posits that as we are no longer married, anything he says or does is no longer considered abuse…that my calling it so gives him power.  What are your thoughts on  the subject?

7 Attitudes of Mindfulness…Plus, Part 2

trustthejounrey

Last time I started talking about attitudes of mindfulness.  This next one ties in with one from then; patience.

…and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

~Anais Nin

I love the quote above; it speaks to trusting that change is ok and necessary.  Also trusting and having the patience to wait for the transformation to take place.

itis serenity

The fifth attitude is that of acceptance.  When I was learning mindfulness, what my therapist told me to do was when I felt my anxiety and anger building was to stop, acknowledge and accept that that was how I was feeling.  Then I would be able to not let my feelings color my actions.

lettinggo courage

Miss M LOVES to sing the Disney song who’s title is a variation on the next attitude; letting go.  (Sometimes I catch Miss J singing too, but most of the time she acts like she’s sooooo over it.)  When we talk about letting something go, any of the 3 of us might break into it.  This is difficult for me sometimes to do, but I”m getting better.  Same with Miss J.

I have a bit of a confession here…I. LOVE. to. sing…..and I do so whenever possible.  I’m sure you probably have that song in your head now.  I’d say I’m sorry, but…I’m sure as we continue on our journey together this will only be the first of MANY times.

 

giving

The seventh attitude of mindfulness is that of generosity.  Mother Teresa was unarguably one of the most generous people of our time.  In her quote above, she points out the need to do more than just giving money, but also putting real love into the giving.  That could be doing something for people, like buying presents for those less fortunate; working in a soup kitchen or shelter; being a big brother/ big sister to a troubled child; the list goes on.  Sometimes people just need to feel heard, and that someone gets it.

nohurry

When I started this post, I was thinking that this last attitude I was going to downplay.  The attitude is one on non- striving, which in today’s world didn’t seem to make sense.  On further reflection though….it IS important.  I’m not saying NOT to aspire to better things….but don’t seek them to the exclusion of all else.  Slow down and take the time to be, to experience the beauty and joy that is life.  What needs to be done will be.

behere

 What have your experiences been with the attitudes listed above?  I would love to hear your stories!  Like my blog?  I would be honored for you to share it!