Don’t you hate it when you’re in a bad place emotionally, and a well-meaning friend or family member decides to take over? They tell you how you should be feeling, and what you should and shouldn’t be doing. As if you don’t feel bad enough….they give you that much more to feel guilty about. (Chances are you had thought of some of their “shoulds” yourself.)
When I was digging myself out of the hole I had been in with ex #2, I heard something somewhere that I LOVED and have taken to heart.
I have to tell you….the first time I told my parents I wasn’t doing this, or accepting them doing it to me…they were NOT happy. So far its going pretty well….last week Dad made a suggestion that had no word similar to “should” in it. Before my standing up for myself, he would have said “You should do X.” What he said instead was “You were really good at X. This time of year you could (should?) pick up hours easily doing it.” (Thinking back, there MAY have been a small “should” in there….he prefaced it with flattery though to disguise it.)
Anyway…that wasn’t the point of this post, though it took up most of it. Having friends and family who are able to make us feel loved and supported so we can focus on digging ourselves out of the situation is what’s important.
Do you have trouble with “shoulding” on yourself or other people? Can you think of how you can change…or do you need to?