Do I HAVE To Forgive…THEM???

forgive

Sometimes forgiving others is easy.  If someone forgets something small and it won’t hurt anything to get or do what ever it was another time, no biggie.  It’s another matter if it’s something important needed for a deadline at work, or for a significant event.  Rarely is it a HUGE deal though.  Often there’s a work-around.

But what about those who harm you?  How hard is it to forgive them….and should you?

As the quote above says….yes, but not for them.  It doesn’t condone their behavior in any way either.

It’s another aspect of the letting go attitude of mindfulness.  When you forgive, you are no longer holding on to the anger and pain caused by their harm, and that negative energy is released.  Then, the negative won’t have that hold on you.

wolfyoufeed

The negative energy is from the Bad Wolf.  When it’s gone, then you can focus on feeding the Good Wolf.  When you feed the Good Wolf, you will be able to be more positive, and bring your best self into all you do.

As far as my 2 ex’s go; ex #1 I rarely even think about.  Forgave him his controlling actions long ago.  Ex #2 is the father of my girls, so I still have to (for now anyway) deal with him.  I have forgiven his abuse from the past, but I will not stand for anything going forward.  Our court ordered coparenting counselor posits that as we are no longer married, anything he says or does is no longer considered abuse…that my calling it so gives him power.  What are your thoughts on  the subject?

7 Attitudes of Mindfulness…Plus, Part 2

trustthejounrey

Last time I started talking about attitudes of mindfulness.  This next one ties in with one from then; patience.

…and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

~Anais Nin

I love the quote above; it speaks to trusting that change is ok and necessary.  Also trusting and having the patience to wait for the transformation to take place.

itis serenity

The fifth attitude is that of acceptance.  When I was learning mindfulness, what my therapist told me to do was when I felt my anxiety and anger building was to stop, acknowledge and accept that that was how I was feeling.  Then I would be able to not let my feelings color my actions.

lettinggo courage

Miss M LOVES to sing the Disney song who’s title is a variation on the next attitude; letting go.  (Sometimes I catch Miss J singing too, but most of the time she acts like she’s sooooo over it.)  When we talk about letting something go, any of the 3 of us might break into it.  This is difficult for me sometimes to do, but I”m getting better.  Same with Miss J.

I have a bit of a confession here…I. LOVE. to. sing…..and I do so whenever possible.  I’m sure you probably have that song in your head now.  I’d say I’m sorry, but…I’m sure as we continue on our journey together this will only be the first of MANY times.

 

giving

The seventh attitude of mindfulness is that of generosity.  Mother Teresa was unarguably one of the most generous people of our time.  In her quote above, she points out the need to do more than just giving money, but also putting real love into the giving.  That could be doing something for people, like buying presents for those less fortunate; working in a soup kitchen or shelter; being a big brother/ big sister to a troubled child; the list goes on.  Sometimes people just need to feel heard, and that someone gets it.

nohurry

When I started this post, I was thinking that this last attitude I was going to downplay.  The attitude is one on non- striving, which in today’s world didn’t seem to make sense.  On further reflection though….it IS important.  I’m not saying NOT to aspire to better things….but don’t seek them to the exclusion of all else.  Slow down and take the time to be, to experience the beauty and joy that is life.  What needs to be done will be.

behere

 What have your experiences been with the attitudes listed above?  I would love to hear your stories!  Like my blog?  I would be honored for you to share it!

7 Attitudes of Mindfulness…Plus, Part 1

bewhatitis

Learning to be mindful is a process, but one that benefits you in a myriad of ways.  It helps fight PTSD, any emotional issues, increases your ability to focus, and may even help combat memory loss.  There are numerous physical benefits as well, from pain relief, reducing heart disease, and improving sleep to aiding in weight loss.

Mindfulness originated in Buddhism originally as a meditation performed while seated.  Since then, it has been adapted to our more active lifestyle, and is now recognized as a form of cognitive therapy.  (My former psychologist was a certified trainer in it, and taught me.)

All these attitudes are not easy to change, some more so than others.  The first attitude of mindfulness is non-judging.  To me that means not only to not judge others, but also not judging yourself too harshly.  You never know what’s going on in other people’s lives to make them act the way they are.  (There are a few exceptions, but…)

The next attitude to practice is patience.  When I was growing up, people at the church my parents brought me to used to joke that they didn’t want to pray for patience, as they would then be given nothing but test after test to try to grow it.  Of course this was not what they wanted!  Counting to 10 before responding to something helps here.

The third attitude is having a beginner’s mind.  This means approaching every situation as if its the first time you have encountered it.  Even if it’s the 200th time your kids are acting out.  Don’t go into the situation thinking you know what they’re thinking or feeling….they might surprise you.

Next time I’ll get into the rest of the practices of mindfulness.  What have your experiences been with the ones listed above?  I would love to hear your stories!  Like my blog?  I would be honored for you to share it!